Held for the Stud Read online

  “What more do you want?”

  When he went on studying her, she lightly stroked her buttocks. She was so damn sensitive there. More to the point, the longer she touched herself, the more excited she became. She knew better than to let that happen, but what was the alternative? Letting pain win? No pleasure?

  “You brought up techniques for getting a horse to do what you want it to,” she said so she’d have something to focus on. “They don’t respond well to being hurt. They learn not to trust. They’re scared and desperate. Is that your intention with me? To break me down?” She barely recognized her voice, couldn’t say why she’d said what she had.

  “You know better than that.”

  “Do I?” She reached behind her. Her intention had been to force him to acknowledge what she had no doubt were red stripes. Her pussy clamped down. Anticipation rushed through her. She shouldn’t have taken a chance on testing her ability to feel pleasure. It was there, barely beneath the surface. “What the hell was the point?”

  “To make you submissive. It’s working.”

  “Why submissive?”

  “Give me a little more time and you won’t have to ask.”

  That’ll never happen, she longed to throw at him. Their relationship was so fucked up.

  “Do my methods really bother you?” he asked.

  “Of course.”

  “You want me to believe you’re a modern, independent woman. What you’re feeling between your legs will never run the show.”

  “I’m not some primitive—”

  “We all are.”

  Now that her focus was no longer on being spanked, she longed for the buffer clothes provided. Not waiting for his approval, which he probably wouldn’t give, she reached for her clothes. Then, remembering her earlier reaction to having something against her wounded ass, she debated settling for a towel or blanket.

  “What are you doing?” he asked when she picked up her shirt.

  By way of answer, she started to pull it over her head.

  “Stop. We aren’t done.”

  “I am.” She dug her nails into the fabric. “You won this round. In fact, I’ll give you the next one so we don’t wind up wasting time—”

  He yanked the shirt out of her grasp. “What we haven’t talked about is your submission.”

  The word rattled around in her mind. As much as she wanted to deny it had anything to do with her, she couldn’t.

  “What are you waiting for?” He glared. “I give you permission to start the conversation.”

  “Permission?” How she resented his superior attitude! “You’re mistaken if you think I’m going to—”

  “I’ve been mistaken about a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them. I have no interest in starting at square one. I trust you have at least a rudimentary understanding of how it relates to you.”

  “Tell me.”

  She was still uncomfortable being expected to hold up her end of a conversation given the condition she was in. Some ancient Native American tribes controlled wild horses by tying their front legs together. Was this any different?

  “You’re looking for guidance. Someone to show you who you really are.”

  “Fuck you.”

  To her surprise, a corner of his mouth lifted. “That’s your job.”

  The door wasn’t far away, but she stood no chance of getting through it before he caught her.

  “When I first saw you,” he said, “I told myself my only goal where you’re concerned was to make sure you understood your duties, but the more time we spend together, the more I enjoy our interaction.”

  “You get a rush out of spanking me?”

  “Rush? I suppose the word works as well as any, although I prefer to think of this as a necessary distraction from the shit that’s all around.” He sobered. “Sometimes I wonder if this damnable war’s ever going to end. After all, it’s good for both countries’ economies.”

  “I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

  “Do.”

  He was right. War meant a greater need for weapons, vehicles, planes, communication systems, hospitals and a million other things.

  “Getting my meaning, are you?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “Battles give politicians reasons to award contracts to companies that know how to play the game.” The way he studied the room, she wondered if he was looking for an escape. His expression turned even more serious. “It was one thing to commit to what my father wants from Escape. I agree one hundred percent. However, achieving the goals is damn hard.”

  “I wouldn’t know.” She couldn’t drag her attention from his hand. Insanely, she wanted to be the one fondling his cock. He was giving her pieces of himself, pulling back a heavy curtain. “I never wanted to do anything for my parents.” She didn’t want to say more, but she’d already gone too far. “That’s because I wasn’t ever on their radar.”

  “And you’ve spent your whole life looking for someone to be part of.”

  Is that true?

  “An anchor for your existence,” he said.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yeah, you do, but this isn’t the time for that. Decisions. Action, not words.”

  Alarmed by the ominous quality to his voice, she looked him in the eye. Even so, she couldn’t fully shake off the question of what his erection looked like. It existed for one reason.

  The way he returned her stare, she suspected he knew what she was thinking. Not lowering his gaze, he sat in the chair she’d used when he spanked her. He scooted forward and planted his elbows on the arms.

  “Over my lap. Now.”

  A cry shot out of her.

  “Now.”

  She had a choice. Resist or obey. Either way the outcome would be the same.

  As sweat gathered at her armpits, she laced her fingers together over her mons and took what seemed like a million steps. She left a big part of herself behind.

  Careful not to look at him, she positioned herself near his legs and leaned forward. Lowering her head made her dizzy. She didn’t want to rely on his thighs for balance, but what choice did she have? His jeans against her belly held so much heat. And his cock—damn his cock! Inches away. Challenge and promise.

  “I dare say you wouldn’t have done this not long ago,” he said. “There’s been progress, but we still have a long way to go.”

  By we he must think this was some goal they shared. She waited.

  “You color very well.” He splayed his fingers over her ass, making her jump. “No, no. You must learn to exhibit more self-control. I won’t have you acting like this.”

  His hand remained on her aching flesh as if issuing a warning.

  “That’s better,” he said after too long. “I’m tempted to take a picture, but I’m sure your imagination is filling in the blanks. Suffice to say you forced my hand.”

  She tried to rear up. “I forced you?”

  “Down.” He ground his fist against the back of her head until she was draped over his lap. “Let me amend that a little. It sounds like I’m blaming you for forcing me to do something I didn’t want to. Believe me, it wasn’t that at all.” He again spread his fingers over her buttocks. “Sometimes there’s no pleasure involved in executing a necessary correction, but I enjoyed every moment, just as I’ll enjoy doing this.”

  He squeezed her ass. Determined not to speak, she clenched her teeth.

  “Ah,” he said. “There’s evidence of the self-control I demand of you. We’re making progress. “

  Her head spun.

  “And self-restraint,” he went on. “The two are so entwined you might not be able to tell them apart. Let me demonstrate. Pay close attention to what your body is saying. Block out everything else. Never question the message. There’s nothing more honest than instinct.”

  Pain jolted through her when he struck the back of her left thigh. Halfway through ordering her body to get the hell away from him, his warn
ing resurfaced. He expected her to obey. Would allow nothing else. She’d suffer the consequences if she didn’t comply.

  Her nostrils flaring and her eyes closing, she forced herself to remain in place. She’d do this! Earn his approval.

  “You don’t really want to fight me.” His tone softened. “You’re fighting yourself. Through no fault of your own, you’ve always been in search of an authority figure. Your parents were incapable of giving you the guidance all children need. You compensated by trying to convince yourself that you don’t need anyone.”

  She wanted to insist he was wrong, but he’d struck a chord deep inside. Unshed tears stung.

  “Ideally, I would have entered your life when you were more malleable, but we have to work with what we have. Relax.”

  Still fighting her nerves, she struggled to do as he’d commanded. He rubbed her shoulders and ran his knuckles over her spine until she didn’t know where he ended and she took over. She didn’t want to be so easy for him to control, but it felt wonderful.

  Safe.

  “You’re changing,” he said. “Shaking off the burden of having to stand up for yourself, making all the damn decisions.”

  “I don’t…”

  “You’re objecting because this is new to you. Carrying the load is hard. That’s what I’m here for.”

  She still wasn’t sure of his point, but at the moment it didn’t matter. Moaning, she pressed against his legs.

  “Let it happen. Set the woman you were meant to be free.”

  “I—don’t know who she is.”

  “Yes, you do.” He rubbed the base of her spine. Just a little more and he’d reach her pussy. Take everything. “You want to deny her existence, but she’s always been there waiting for the right man to bring her out. Surrender. Submit.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Naked and recently spanked, she stayed limp over him. Her arms were too heavy to lift and she couldn’t think how to move her legs. She’d fallen into quicksand, the warmth and weight of it closing all around. When he massaged her buttocks, sighs and moans slipped past her lips. It stung, but she wanted, needed the sensations.

  “You’re going deeper and deeper.” He parted her ass cheeks. “Discarding the woman you thought you were. Getting introduced to the new one. Giving up control. Letting me in.”

  A voice warned her to cling to what she knew about herself before it was too late. Desperate to hold on to a shred of herself, she tried to roll off him.

  “No.” He struck one ass cheek then the other. When she clawed his calves, he hit her again, harder this time. “No. Don’t make that mistake.”

  Shaken by fresh pain, she tensed.

  “Like I said, setting the real you free won’t be easy.” He left his hands on her buttocks as a warning. “But we’ll get there.”

  “I don’t want—”

  “Don’t lie. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to slowly take you down that road. Even if I did, I’m human. Impatient. A man.”

  Disappointed despite herself, she waited for him to continue. He’d separated her ass cheeks, could see so much. The contact was intimate, her breasts, belly, mons and thighs married to his body. It took every bit of restraint she possessed not to thrust against him in a parody of sex. He deserved to fuck, damn it. How much she’d love having him on the receiving end of this terrible and wonderful need.

  “I’ve thought quite a bit about this,” he continued. “How to keep your transformation going even when we aren’t together. It comes down to one thing—making sure you never forget I’m in charge. My word is law. Your safety, hell, maybe your life depends on it.”

  As many times as he’d essentially said those words, shouldn’t she be tired of hearing them? That wouldn’t happen as long as he possessed her.

  “What do I want from you?” he asked.

  “Obedience.”

  “What else?”

  “Submission.”

  “Good.” He ran his thumb the length of her crack, pausing at her butt hole, stopping when he reached the entrance to her sex. “I expect you to repeat what I’m going to say.”

  Words were for human beings, while she was, what, something primitive?

  “Nod if you understand.”

  Grateful because he hadn’t told her to speak, she complied. His thumb remained at her entrance. Staring at but not seeing the floor, she tightened muscles designed to house and trap his erection.

  “There. That’s what I was looking for. Ideally, I’d be immune to it, but I’m not. Goes with being human.”

  She tried to latch on to the last word he’d spoken, but his thumb was sinking into her, becoming even more a part of her. Lost, she again tightened her pussy muscles.

  “Damn you.” He pushed, entered, held. “Making it hard for me.”

  “What—about me?”

  “That’s your problem. Tell me, what’s happening?”

  “Your thumb—it’s fucking me.”

  “Not exactly. I’m claiming ownership of that part of you.”

  Of course he was. Of course he knew what he was doing. Eyes firmly shut, she listened to him breathe. He was excited, fighting with his own primal need. Not caring how he’d react, she clamped down on his thumb. Something raged through her. She had to stop this!

  But how?

  “Listen and listen good,” he said after a moment during which the pace of his breathing increased and his thumb dove deeper. “I—not long ago I ordered you to pay attention to what I say. Do it, now.”

  He was inside her, deeply tunneled, pushing her ever closer to the point where she couldn’t do anything except climax. She craved and loathed where he’d forced her to go. Maybe hated him.

  “Did you hear me?”

  I’m not sure. “Yes.”

  “What do I require of you?”

  “I—obedience?”

  “Yes. Obedience. Submission.”

  She knew, or believed she knew, what the words meant. She was no longer a wild horse running free. Banner had roped and restrained her. Seized control of so much.

  “I’m your master. I own you.”

  Master. Own. How presumptuous of him!

  Her head was still so heavy she couldn’t lift it. She’d lost touch with her legs. More important, Banner’s thumb continued to invade.

  “I require something of you. Explain what it is.”

  He wasn’t asking a question. They’d gone beyond that and had entered a space where his word was law. There was no way out for her. “Submission,” she whispered.

  “Is it what you want?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do.” He threaded fingers through her hair, lifted her head and turned her toward him while his other hand remained in place. As close as they were she couldn’t read his expression, not that it mattered. Only one thing did. She’d let him take over.

  “What do you want?” she asked.

  “Everything. Who owns you?”

  “You do.”

  “Are you saying that because you’re hoping to avoid more punishment?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He sighed, the sound going on for a long time. “I like your honesty. It’ll have to do for now.”

  She unsuccessfully tried to divorce herself from her pussy. If he allowed her to get off his lap, she’d sink to her knees and free him from his clothes. Once she’d exposed his cock she’d open her mouth and bring him into her. She was such a damn slut.

  “We’ll be getting more company tomorrow. You will do your job, nothing else.”

  Her throat was so dry she wasn’t sure she could speak. Short of cowering, she’d do everything he wanted, not because she had no doubt he’d punish her if she didn’t but because—damn it, she longed to please this man.

  “I want to live up to your expectations.”

  He eased his thumb out. Then, before she could anticipate his next move, he buried it in her ass. Stunned by the painful fullness, she arched her spine.

  “No.
Accept your punishment.”

  Is that what this is? “Why are you doing this?” The invasion was everything. Taking her in every possible way. “I haven’t—what have I done wrong?”

  “Right now, nothing. I intend to keep it that way. Your obedience must come from inside you for it to be an ingrained part of who you are.”

  She’d tried anal sex a handful of times, but that had been when she was in charge of her body. Everything she experienced, enjoyed or endured today was up to him. If he wanted to shove his cock up her ass, he would.

  “How does this feel?” he asked.

  Relieved that couldn’t see her blush, she tried to come up with the right words. “Strange.”

  “That can’t be all.”

  “I—I’ve had rectal exams, but it wasn’t anything like this.”

  He snorted. “For one, you were probably on your back with your feet in stirrups.”

  If this was his attempt at relieving some of her tension, he wasn’t doing enough to lighten her mood. She hated not being able to look him in the eye or grab his wrist and force him away. He had her where he wanted her. There was nothing left to be said or try to tell herself.

  “Back to what I want from you.” He thrust deeper, opening her and destroying her separate self. When the pounding in her head increased, she could almost dismiss his plundering of her, but it didn’t last long enough.

  The man who expected her to consider him her master had dragged them deep into intimacy. He could yank her head back and bury a second finger where it didn’t belong.

  But maybe it does.

  Feeling as if she’d been pulled into something without light and endless heat, she stopped denying what had taken place. She’d become his. There wasn’t any part of her he couldn’t and hadn’t branded.

  “You can’t get rid of me. Are you thinking you might as well make the best of it?” He pulled back a little. “You don’t know whether this is the beginning or end of something. Do you want me gone? Not just my finger but my existence out of your life?”

  The idea of being locked alone in this room scared her. He couldn’t leave her with her ramped-up body and just her own hands to try to satisfy it. “No.”

  “Interesting response.” He withdrew some more then held steady. “You’re hoping I’ll let you borrow my cock? Once you’ve gotten the necessary use out of it, you’ll kick the whole package to the curb?”