Wolf’s Wind Read online

  “But they still have a hold on you, don’t they?” she asked. “Nothing’s changed for you when it comes to that.”

  How little you know. “A lot has, Carlan, for both of us.”

  “Yeah, thanks to my brother.”

  He’d been thinking about his accident, not that he had any intention of bringing that up.

  “Sorry,” she muttered. “I just said I didn’t want to talk about him, didn’t I?”

  “It’s all right. Anything you need to throw out there is fine with me.” Maybe.

  “Are you sure about that? There’s a lot of baggage between us. The way things ended…”

  “Better then, than after we’d gotten married,” he said, remembering his crazy, immature plans to give her an engagement ring right after high school graduation.

  “Good point.”

  Once more she turned toward him. This time she stayed that way, and her small hand wound up on top of his. Something sizzled deep inside him. So much for telling himself that his days of adolescent hormones were behind him. She expected a response. However, between the heat churning in the cab and more heat slipping from her hand to his, his mind went the next thing to stupid. In a few minutes, they’d reach his trailer, with the double bed that dominated the small space. She’d probably want to take off her coat, and of course, so would he. After that—

  “Brett, can I ask you something?”

  “I guess.”

  “Have you ever wondered why neither of us got married?”

  “Probably for different reasons.”

  In a town the size of Prospect, even if people moved away, there was always someone who knew what they were up to. Her folks had kept him informed about her various jobs in the several cities she’d lived in, and he suspected her parents had brought her up-to-date about what he was doing, not that much changed over the years. Logging had owned him, plain and simple.

  “I guess. You’ve been happy, have you? Doing all right financially? I’m sorry. I have no right asking.”

  “I’m keeping a roof over my head, but Jake and I are never going to get rich, not that you don’t know that.”

  Sighing, she took her hand off his and placed it in her lap. Not having her touching him settled his nerves a bit, just not enough.

  “That’s one of the things I threw at you when I was trying to get you to take off for the bright lights with me, wasn’t it?” she said. “I’m sorry. I had no right demeaning your career choice the way I did.”

  “You had your reasons. Your dad’s situation, for one.”

  “I couldn’t help it. Seeing him go from healthy, proud, and fulfilled to this bitter, pain-filled shell of a man after a tree tried to bury him pretty much defined my growing up.”

  “And that made it impossible for you to listen to me.”

  “Oh, I heard you,” she muttered. “I just didn’t buy your insistence that the same thing wouldn’t happen to you.”

  “Just like you couldn’t guarantee what would happen to me if I followed in your dad’s footsteps.”

  She didn’t say anything after that. Damn it, why had he jumped into the middle of what had blown up around them? In fact, she had every reason to order him to turn around and take her back to her car. When she didn’t, he vowed not to bring that up again, and not just because he didn’t want to return to an ancient argument.

  She’d been right, damn her.

  His held-together leg was proof, that and certain things that kept running around inside his mind.

  Note to self—stay clear of that particular emotional land mine. Stick to safe subjects like wolves.

  Distracted, he nearly overshot the gravel one-lane road leading to the logging site. By hitting the brakes with more force than he’d intended, he managed to turn onto it, but his leg protested the sudden effort. In preparation for a bumpy ride, he tightened his hold on the steering wheel. Already, the highway had faded into the distance behind him. It was just him and Carlan and the wilderness.

  And maybe a wolf pack.

  Chapter 4

  EVEN before she’d climbed the stairs leading to Brett’s trailer, Carlan berated herself for bringing up their breakup. They could talk about any number of things, such as gasoline prices, the job market, how long the Democrats were going to be in control, how many reality shows constituted too many, whether they’d see the wolves again, and what they really were. Anything but them.

  Instead she’d stepped into the past with two feet. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him to handle the subject in a mature way. What she lacked decent control over was her reaction to him. There they were, two people with a common past that included sex in the cab of his first truck, more sex on the ground behind the gym on a night too cold for that particular activity, even more sex in her bedroom when her parents and brother were gone.

  The stumbling sex hadn’t lasted that long, she reminded herself as she entered the masculine space of Brett’s logging/on-site trailer. Only during their senior year. Before everything had fallen apart, he’d been her world. She’d loved him so much! More than she’d known it was possible to love. And along with that passion had come fear for his safety spawned by her dad’s crippling logging accident.

  “It’s not much,” he said from where he stood between her and the door. “I hope you didn’t expect—”

  “I didn’t.” You’re alive and well; that’s what matters. All my fears are for nothing.

  The storm tried to hammer its way inside, prompting her to wonder why he hadn’t closed the door. Rain had saturated everything near it. He was no longer looking at her, and something about his stance propelled her to his side. Together, they stared at where they’d come from. Brett’s truck, which was parked as close as possible to the trailer, blocked much of the view of the wilderness but not all. And there, to the left of the rig and just ahead of a bank of trees, stood the four wolves.

  “They’re terrible, and beautiful,” she whispered.

  “Magnificent,” Brett answered, and she thought she detected a bit of awe in his voice.

  Thanks to the cab’s heater, she’d stopped shivering, but although the trailer was equally warm, she now trembled. She thought he was too. She’d called the wolves beautiful, while he’d replied that they were magnificent. Both terms were right on. At the same time, they didn’t do reality justice.

  The wolves represented everything primal in life. As pure predators, they engendered extreme emotions in people. In the past, those emotions had led to the wolves being hunted to extinction in most of the United States, but yet, beyond everything that made any kind of sense, a pack was there.

  Primal and primitive. Instinct and speed and killing machines. Capable of complex social relationships and deep commitment to each other.

  Thinking of everything wolves represented, everything they were capable of, everything they’d been accused of, she half believed she slipped away from Brett and walked to where they waited for her. And why wouldn’t they? After all, they accepted her.

  “Carlan, are you all right?”

  “What?” Brett’s voice pulled her away from their compulsion. She wondered how she’d gotten the idea that they accepted her.

  “You’re pale, like you might pass out.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  “Why not?”

  Do you have the courage to tell him about me?

  No! she nearly screamed at her brother’s voice inside her mind. I want nothing to do with you!

  “Carlan.” Grabbing her shoulders, Brett pulled her so close, his breath heated her hair. “What’s going on?”

  “Noth-thing.”

  “The hell it isn’t. I’m going to shut the door. We can still watch them from the window.”

  Although she’d have to step aside in order for him to block out the storm, the task was beyond her, compelling him to guide her. Even when he released her, she continued to feel touched.

  More alive than she�
��d ever been.

  And deeply shaken.

  Instead of walking to the window, though, she remained at Brett’s side while a thousand memories swirled around her. Maybe as long as she concentrated on Brett, her brother would leave her alone.

  On a day when the wolves had shown themselves and she’d discovered her brother’s spirit still hung around, anything was possible. She might have told Brett what she was thinking if she didn’t suddenly feel as if she was having a hot flash. Desperate to shed her heavy coat, she unbuttoned it. The moment she pulled it off her shoulders, something, Brett’s essence maybe, touched her. Wondering if he was aware of his impact on her, she stared at him. Although he still wore his raincoat, he’d removed the hood, revealing dark hair plastered to his scalp. As far as she could tell, it was as rich and thick as it had been back when she’d run her fingers through it whenever she could. As for his eyes, his beautifully deep eyes, tiny lines now bracketed them, and his gaze had taken on a depth that hadn’t been there when they’d been so damn young. Maturity had a way of doing that, of course, but it seemed to her that more than the years were responsible. Maybe life had kicked Brett, just as it had her.

  After taking her coat from her, Brett draped it over the doorknob. He removed his own and then hung it from a kitchen drawer handle. She should make a joke about how he needed to put up a clothesline, but that would have to wait until the energy stopped speeding through her. Feeling nearly as unsure as she had the first time she’d undressed for him, she half walked, half stumbled to the window. Using her sweater sleeve to wipe off the condensation, she studied the wild world she’d once believed she’d relegated to her childhood. Rain pressed against the pines, making the branches droop. They made her think of countless old, tired men.

  In sharp contrast, the man beside her was anything but tired or old.

  “There they are,” he muttered. “They haven’t moved.”

  Why not? she nearly asked but didn’t, because on a level, so deep there was no reaching its roots, she knew they’d been looking for her.

  And not just her. Brett too.

  On the brink of telling him that, a shock slammed into her. It started at the top of her head but quickly spread outward. Her fingers tingled. At the same time, her arms became so heavy, she couldn’t lift them. Her suddenly log-like legs were locked in place by knees that might give out at any moment. Yet despite the possibility she might collapse, she’d also become weightless. She could, given enough room and strength to accomplish it, spread her arms and take flight. Once she’d left the ground, she’d float and soar, her body pulling in yet more storm-spawned electrical charges.

  Even as she reveled in her weightless state, Carlan would struggle to return to where she’d left Brett. Without words to describe what she experienced, she’d wrap her body around his and hold him tight until the electricity snapped from her to him and back again. They wouldn’t remove their clothes so much as the garments would catch fire and be reduced to cinders. Boldly naked, she’d lean back just long enough to drink in his physique before sliding her body against his.

  A long, low howl barely penetrated the fog she resided in. Only marginally aware of what she was doing, she rested her head on Brett’s shoulder and took in the scent of damp clothing, wet hair, and man. He also smelled of something ancient, the land probably. Every line of his body had been carved by mountains, trees, and boulders. In short, he represented everything she’d driven away from at eighteen. Because of circumstances beyond her control, she hadn’t been able to stay away, after all, and he was back in her life again. At least for today.

  “We have to accept it,” he said. His words were quiet and calm, in contrast to the tension she sensed riding his muscles. “The wolves exist.”

  “They do for us,” she clarified.

  He muttered something that came from somewhere deep in his core, a combination of sound and vibration perhaps. Whatever it was lapped at her muscles and hardened her nipples. Not trying to stop herself, she slid her arm around his waist and spread her fingers over his side. Her head remained on his shoulder.

  Brett cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t come see you last summer after Skye died,” he said. “You didn’t stay long.”

  “I couldn’t. My job—I tried to get my folks to visit me, but Dad said his back wasn’t up to it. Although it was like pulling teeth trying to get them to talk, I called them almost every day after Skye’s death, and I visited over the holidays. Then Dad had his stroke, and suddenly, my job didn’t matter. I quit and packed up my belongings while he was still in the hospital. Now…”

  “Now you’re here.”

  “Yes.”

  He executed a slow pivot in her direction. The shift might have been nothing more than his decision to get a better look at her, but she didn’t think it was that simple. When he rested his hands on her shoulders, she was positive it wasn’t.

  “I’ve often thought about you,” she admitted.

  “Wondering whether the risks of what I was doing had caught up to me, like you said they would.”

  Even with an uncomfortable silence hanging between them, she didn’t go in search of anything to say, but then, how could she? Granted, time had left its impact on him, on both of them, but the years and separation hadn’t changed the way she responded to him.

  He was sex, pure and unbridled sex. Yes, a brain and heart went with the work-carved body, but she didn’t care. Flames danced over her skin. Heat pressed against the sides of her neck and over her breasts with even more pooling between her legs.

  A world apart from wanting to keep her vulnerability from him, she slid her fingers over his hip bones before reaching his waist and pressing her fingertips against his spine. At the same time, she rocked forward. The trapped mound that was his cock ground into her belly.

  “Damn you, Carlan.”

  “For what?”

  “Maybe for being you.” His hands spread over her buttocks, and he held her there with his cock all but bruising her and a thousand words no longer needing to be said. Sliding her hands over his ass, she met him strength for strength. Although her lips ached with loneliness, she didn’t try to pull herself together enough to lift herself onto her toes and go in search of his mouth. Kisses were expressions of intimacy, while these moments and this place were all about sex.

  One of the wolves howled. The sound might be random or filled with meaning. Whatever the answer, it would have to wait. First and foremost, came what was happening between her and Brett. Surrendering herself, she leaned into him until his strength flattened her breasts.

  Another wolf joined the first, the resultant sound stereophonic. It pulled her out of herself and helped her drift. Her body knew only Brett’s presence, but her mind came alive with a thousand impressions. She’d had scant control over the compulsion that had brought her there today, had known only that the time of denying her emotions where her brother was concerned had to end. Instead of facing his essence, she’d let this man lead her away.

  He’d done more than that. In the space of a few seconds, she’d gone from taking in Brett’s temporary home to throwing herself at him.

  Too deep in herself for fathoming how that had happened, she drank in the smell of wet clothing and male warmth. There was something beyond heady about his scent, size, and strength, an indefinable substance perhaps, and maybe her long months of celibacy and the role he’d played in her defining years said it all.

  And maybe the answer didn’t matter.

  Limbs trembling, she ground herself against him. No matter how much her hips swayed, it wasn’t enough. She needed more than an embrace, more than her pelvis sealed to him and his arms locking her in place. If she could have, she would have crawled into his skin. They’d become one in ways that weren’t possible with sex alone, their separate flames coming together and lifting higher, going further.

  “Damn you, Carlan.”

  “You already said that.”

&
nbsp; He rolled his knuckles over her spine, the pressure strong enough she felt it all the way to her womb. “I can’t think with you here like this.”

  “Do you want me gone?”

  “No.”

  Instead of leaning back and going in search of whatever message might be in his eyes, she rested her cheek against his chest. Doing so made her dizzy, and she listened to his heartbeat. His deep and rapid breathing carried messages a more calculating woman might have used to her advantage, but her heart pounded, and she could barely keep enough air in her lungs. She had no idea what, if anything, she was looking at. Looking for.

  When her shoulders ached, she ordered her muscles not to release him but to relax. Bit by bit, a little of her desperation slid out of her. She still wanted him, might always want him, but the sex didn’t have to take place this moment. She’d wait, touching and caressing all the while. The thought had barely formed when her pussy clenched and moisture slickened her passage. A low animal-like sound rolled out of her.

  “What?” he asked. “I’m holding you too tight?”

  “No, no. I…I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

  “You aren’t the only one. Believe me, this isn’t why I asked you here.”

  “And holding and being held isn’t why I came,” she said. “It’s just that after everything I’ve been through lately, I didn’t want to be alone.”

  “I didn’t want that for you.”

  “So…so we’re together. And a million things are going on in our lives.”

  “Yeah.”

  Something about his tone caught her attention, but she didn’t know how to ask him to tell her what he was thinking about.

  “So,” she tried, “you and your brother have your own logging company. Given what’s happened to the building trade, it’s amazing you’re able to keep going.”

  “Staying small helps. That, and bidding on every Forest Service maintenance contract we think we can handle. A lot has changed since I started out, and even more from the days when your dad was working in the woods.”

  “He doesn’t talk about that. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad.”